I was an enthusiastic soul about working at various clubs during my undergraduate period, willing to indulge myself in my preferred club activities, an opportunity I couldn’t avail myself of during my childhood for the tremendous pressure of studies. I can still picture an introverted freshman student (myself) filling up the various club membership forms nervously in the club fair held yearly to attract the students, or to be honest the freshman students. Besides yearly routine work of arranging seminars, workshops, and club meetings, each club gets the opportunity to represent itself in the mentioned club fair by arranging its stall with the theme of its objective. After one year, the very opportunity came — I got the chance to work at the stall of one of the clubs. By convention, my club invited the existing members to work at the stall and I, with high enthusiasm, joined the crew, with the hope to be familiar with the members and get more notice as an active member.
But, the reality was far from my freshman fantasy. First of all, we had a busy schedule at that fair dealing with students bumping at our stalls and barely had enough time to communicate with ourselves. Secondly, the club fair was ongoing during our class time, so members have to work by turns to avoid clashes with academic activities. As a result, there were no fixed members at the stall, they were all coming in and going out randomly, barely talking with any unfamiliar members keeping their gossip only within their acquaintance circle. I, being an introverted freshman student and barely knowing my classmates let alone my seniors, felt very uncomfortable in this “Round Robbin” situation. So, being hungry in the afternoon, I left the stall where I entered in the early morning and probably spent more time than any other member. Then, later at night, I came to know about the finishing ceremony which was held at the end of the fair, where members of the clubs were given the floor to express their feelings. I was disheartened, being one of the most active members acting on that day I deserved to be with others on that stage, why I was not informed by my club? Why, after all this care, I didn’t get the proper recognition?
I am sure this similar incident of being uncounted for proper recognition happens to people who care much. Because of their nature, they can’t help caring for others and at the same time get disheartened for the lack of proper recognition. So, what should be the solution?
Here are my five cents, care, only if you have the guts to don’t care. Confused? Let me explain.
But, the reality was far from my freshman fantasy. First of all, we had a busy schedule at that fair dealing with students bumping at our stalls and barely had enough time to communicate with ourselves. Secondly, the club fair was ongoing during our class time, so members have to work by turns to avoid clashes with academic activities. As a result, there were no fixed members at the stall, they were all coming in and going out randomly, barely talking with any unfamiliar members keeping their gossip only within their acquaintance circle. I, being an introverted freshman student and barely knowing my classmates let alone my seniors, felt very uncomfortable in this “Round Robbin” situation. So, being hungry in the afternoon, I left the stall where I entered in the early morning and probably spent more time than any other member. Then, later at night, I came to know about the finishing ceremony which was held at the end of the fair, where members of the clubs were given the floor to express their feelings. I was disheartened, being one of the most active members acting on that day I deserved to be with others on that stage, why I was not informed by my club? Why, after all this care, I didn’t get the proper recognition?
I am sure this similar incident of being uncounted for proper recognition happens to people who care much. Because of their nature, they can’t help caring for others and at the same time get disheartened for the lack of proper recognition. So, what should be the solution?
Here are my five cents, care, only if you have the guts to don’t care. Confused? Let me explain.
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| Do you really care selflessly? Illustration by Rafe |
Altruism is a common word used in the context of caring people; but in my opinion, the act of altruism is rare if you include abstract benefit along with materialistic ones. Unlike materialistic benefits like money, abstract benefits are implicit which are hard to measure in the naked eye even though they exist. For instance, in the above-mentioned example, explicitly I am altruistic, concerning the welfare of the club. But implicitly I wanted recognition and exposure to the members of the club. So, like materialistic concerns, I wouldn’t be satisfied until I got this benefit.
But, the most crucial part is to detect this abstract satisfaction, or precisely, detect and measure it on own; as this satisfaction totally depends on the individual’s mind. I didn’t think of the recognition in the first place, but as soon as I noticed someone got recognition, I felt the need for it and became disheartened. In my mind I was still altruistic, seeking recognition only for mental peace; but in reality, it was not a selfless demand, rather a very logical but abstract one. The seemingly altruistic people often fall into this trap of contradiction, losing both the pleasure of the ‘Altruism’ and its abstract benefit.
So, should we not expect recognition or something like that in this act of altruism? Well, of course, we should. But, stop labeling it implicitly or explicitly as ‘Altruism’, simply seek your recognition without being ashamed. In my club incident, I should have asked the president of the club for my recognition, by telling him about my effort, or possibly taking pictures during my stay at the stall, posting them on Facebook tagging the president and important members. But if I wait for their spontaneous recognition or praise, it has no practical value, as naturally no one will follow your activities all day and take notes to give you recognition. Only you are responsible to present them and draw their attention to your apparent altruistic activities.
On the contrary, if you simply don’t care about the recognition, it is an actual altruistic activity and you won’t get hurt by the lack of recognition; preserving your mental stability and peace. But to my experience, this is really a rare scenario and almost everyone wants recognition to some extent. You need to understand this subtle difference and set your expected level of recognition accordingly.
So, before undertaking any activity, stop instantly labeling it as altruism, try to find out both the materialistic and the abstract outcome. Often, it can’t be determined instantly, but don’t worry and keep an open mind. With the progress of the work, you gradually will realize the amount of recognition you need to have mental satisfaction. Try to set this recognition level without hesitation considering your implicit voice and desire, and plan necessary actions to get them. Remember a universal truth — no one actually cares about your work unless you make them realize its value and significance. So, do it systematically, keep records and documentation to show in case of the fragile memory of everyone. Opting for a well-deserved exposure isn’t ignominious in any measure; keeping your mind unstable for the lack of it is the real problem.
Care, only if you have the guts to don’t care; there is no other alternative to it.
But, the most crucial part is to detect this abstract satisfaction, or precisely, detect and measure it on own; as this satisfaction totally depends on the individual’s mind. I didn’t think of the recognition in the first place, but as soon as I noticed someone got recognition, I felt the need for it and became disheartened. In my mind I was still altruistic, seeking recognition only for mental peace; but in reality, it was not a selfless demand, rather a very logical but abstract one. The seemingly altruistic people often fall into this trap of contradiction, losing both the pleasure of the ‘Altruism’ and its abstract benefit.
So, should we not expect recognition or something like that in this act of altruism? Well, of course, we should. But, stop labeling it implicitly or explicitly as ‘Altruism’, simply seek your recognition without being ashamed. In my club incident, I should have asked the president of the club for my recognition, by telling him about my effort, or possibly taking pictures during my stay at the stall, posting them on Facebook tagging the president and important members. But if I wait for their spontaneous recognition or praise, it has no practical value, as naturally no one will follow your activities all day and take notes to give you recognition. Only you are responsible to present them and draw their attention to your apparent altruistic activities.
On the contrary, if you simply don’t care about the recognition, it is an actual altruistic activity and you won’t get hurt by the lack of recognition; preserving your mental stability and peace. But to my experience, this is really a rare scenario and almost everyone wants recognition to some extent. You need to understand this subtle difference and set your expected level of recognition accordingly.
So, before undertaking any activity, stop instantly labeling it as altruism, try to find out both the materialistic and the abstract outcome. Often, it can’t be determined instantly, but don’t worry and keep an open mind. With the progress of the work, you gradually will realize the amount of recognition you need to have mental satisfaction. Try to set this recognition level without hesitation considering your implicit voice and desire, and plan necessary actions to get them. Remember a universal truth — no one actually cares about your work unless you make them realize its value and significance. So, do it systematically, keep records and documentation to show in case of the fragile memory of everyone. Opting for a well-deserved exposure isn’t ignominious in any measure; keeping your mind unstable for the lack of it is the real problem.
Care, only if you have the guts to don’t care; there is no other alternative to it.
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